Friday, March 2, 2012
Curry flavour
So I went for a jog, right. I usually jog around my apartment blocks. There were 2 main blocks and a guard house in between these blocks. So when I was running, I smelt nice curry smell. I was admiring the smell when I realized that I was too far from the apartment blocks and I was running past the guard house.
Terserempak hantu pocong
So aku balik rumah dalam pukul 2 malam tadi. Sampai kat bilik duduk lepak-lepak kejap, rasa macam tak best je. Sebelum ni memang dah ada kejadian-kejadian pelik. Bila buka lagu, tetiba sound tu kejap kuat kejap perlahan. Bila tidur, katil kena goyang-goyang. Kadang-kadang barang-barang jatuh sendiri walaupun takde ribut takde angin. Teringat masa borak-borak ngan jiran depan rumah, dia kata rumah dia pon 'panas'.
Aku duk rasa tak best sangat. Tiba-tiba aku nampak bayang pocong kat luar bilik. Dia terbang macam nak masuk dalam bilik aku (dinding bilik aku semua tingkap sliding tu, sepanjang-panjang dinding tu.). Shit aku pun lari terus masuk bilik Syal. Masa tu Syal tengah mandi, pastu aku tak kira, aku terus masuk jugak dalam toilet Syal. Nasib baik kat tempat shower tu ada curtain, tapi kalau takde pon aku rasa aku masuk jugak sebab dah takut. Aku macam pelik jugak, bila masa bilik Syal ada toilet? Tapi masa tu tengah takut kan, aku redah je. Aku dah jerit-jerit cakap kat Syal, 'Hantu! HANTU!!" Pastu aku dengar pocong tu terbang pastu dia tolak pintu toilet tu. Dia hulur masuk kepala dia. Nampak rambut dia menggerbang, berminyak, basah-basah sikit, hitam berkilat tapi macam jarang-jarang.
Mula-mula aku rasa takut sangat. Tetiba aku teringat pasal kejadian-kejadian aneh kat rumah kitorang. Tengah-tengah main lagu, kejap-kejap kuat kejap-kejap jadi perlahan sound dia. Memang annoying, kena-kena pulak lagu tengah best. Pastu aku macam rasa super annoyed and grumpy gila. Terus aku tarik rambut hantu pocong tu. Apparently kat kepala dia je tak berikat, satu badan dia berikat kain kapan. Lepas tu aku cekik dia. Aku rasa anak tekak dia kat bawah ibu jari aku, aku tekan kuat-kuat sampai dia muka macam tengah high sebab dia tak leh bernapas kot? Aku cekik lagi kuat-kuat, pastu aku tunjuk kat Syal. Syal da jerit-jerit takut, so aku pun baca a few ayat-ayat Quran, like, really loudly kat muka dia. Hodoh betul muka dia, macam da separuh reput. Pastu aku cakap ngan Syal, jom bawak hantu ni pergi jumpa imam. Takleh jadi ni biarkan hantu kacau kita macam ni. Pastu aku pun terbangun, tengok pukul 530 pagi. Patutnya pergi joging, tapi pastu aku tarik selimut tido balik sampai 615. Patut lah rasa pelik tadi, sebab bilik Syal mana ada toilet.
Aku duk rasa tak best sangat. Tiba-tiba aku nampak bayang pocong kat luar bilik. Dia terbang macam nak masuk dalam bilik aku (dinding bilik aku semua tingkap sliding tu, sepanjang-panjang dinding tu.). Shit aku pun lari terus masuk bilik Syal. Masa tu Syal tengah mandi, pastu aku tak kira, aku terus masuk jugak dalam toilet Syal. Nasib baik kat tempat shower tu ada curtain, tapi kalau takde pon aku rasa aku masuk jugak sebab dah takut. Aku macam pelik jugak, bila masa bilik Syal ada toilet? Tapi masa tu tengah takut kan, aku redah je. Aku dah jerit-jerit cakap kat Syal, 'Hantu! HANTU!!" Pastu aku dengar pocong tu terbang pastu dia tolak pintu toilet tu. Dia hulur masuk kepala dia. Nampak rambut dia menggerbang, berminyak, basah-basah sikit, hitam berkilat tapi macam jarang-jarang.
Mula-mula aku rasa takut sangat. Tetiba aku teringat pasal kejadian-kejadian aneh kat rumah kitorang. Tengah-tengah main lagu, kejap-kejap kuat kejap-kejap jadi perlahan sound dia. Memang annoying, kena-kena pulak lagu tengah best. Pastu aku macam rasa super annoyed and grumpy gila. Terus aku tarik rambut hantu pocong tu. Apparently kat kepala dia je tak berikat, satu badan dia berikat kain kapan. Lepas tu aku cekik dia. Aku rasa anak tekak dia kat bawah ibu jari aku, aku tekan kuat-kuat sampai dia muka macam tengah high sebab dia tak leh bernapas kot? Aku cekik lagi kuat-kuat, pastu aku tunjuk kat Syal. Syal da jerit-jerit takut, so aku pun baca a few ayat-ayat Quran, like, really loudly kat muka dia. Hodoh betul muka dia, macam da separuh reput. Pastu aku cakap ngan Syal, jom bawak hantu ni pergi jumpa imam. Takleh jadi ni biarkan hantu kacau kita macam ni. Pastu aku pun terbangun, tengok pukul 530 pagi. Patutnya pergi joging, tapi pastu aku tarik selimut tido balik sampai 615. Patut lah rasa pelik tadi, sebab bilik Syal mana ada toilet.
Thursday, March 1, 2012
Im in here
I'm in here, can anybody see me?
Can anybody help?
I'm in here, a prisoner of history,
Can anybody help?
Can't you hear my call?
Are you coming to get me now?
I've been waiting for,
You to come rescue me,
I need you to hold,
All of the sadness I can not,
Living inside of me.
I'm in here, I'm trying to tell you something,
Can anybody help?
I'm in here, I'm calling out but you can't hear,
Can anybody help?
Can't you hear my call?
Are you coming to get me now?
I've been waiting for,
You to come rescue me,
I need you to hold,
All of the sadness I can not,
Living inside of me.
I'm crying out, I'm breaking down,
I am fearing it all,
Stuck inside these walls,
Tell me there is hope for me
Is anybody out there listening?
Can't you hear my call?
Are you coming to get me now?
I've been waiting for,
You to come rescue me,
I need you to hold,
All of the sadness I can not,
Living inside of me.
I'm in here, can anybody see me?
Can anybody help?
Wednesday, February 29, 2012
Raining mag and gots. Get it?
I have raining maggots in my house, fo shizzle!
So this is what happened.
I went out for a jog last evening (4km!) and then when I came back, I did some stretching while watching How I Met Your Mother. I sat on the carpet and later on Syal came back from jogging as well. We watched the series and then at around 7, we thought that we had enough and decided to get ready for dinner. Syal went into her room while I continued to daydream for a bit, when I saw this fat, 1.5cm long, dark-coloured maggot pathetically worming, I mean, crawling on the floor. I thought, where would this maggot came from? Because we dont really have food in our house except biscuits. All other food is stored in the fridge. And then I saw another one about 2 feet away from the first one. And another one about 3 feet away from the second one. I was horrified and screamed my heart out calling for Syal and showed her what I found.
I was hanging my towel on the kitchen chair the day before after I washed my hair and it fell down on the floor but I didnt notice it. So when I saw 3 effing maggots crawling on the floor, I quickly went and picked up the towel and then,
15 fat effing maggots dropped from the towel!!!!!!!!!!
I felt so yucky because I used the towel the day before. I started to feel that something is crawling on my head so I trashed my hair to all direction and trashed arms and legs everywhere and literally had a Chicken Noodle Soup dance (y'all dont know CNS dance? click here damit). Of course there were nothing on my head except paranoia.
We tried to find the source but we couldnt find it. So we sweeped those fat little b*st*rds into the rubbish bin and threw them out.
End of story.
Except that it's not.
So we went for dinner (supposedly but the satay place was closed last night so we were very frustrated and decided to vent the frustration in Giant, instead). So we went shopping for grocery and yogurts and fruits and all the yucky healthy stuff. When we came back, we saw another two maggots on the floor and we were like, OMG where did these effing maggots came from?
So Syal sweeped them away and out of sudden there were 5 more on the floor. So Syal sweeped them again, I was just standing there and then I heard 'Tick!' and saw a maggot magically appeared on the floor.
For goodness sake the maggots came from our ceiling! You see, our apartment unit is on the top floor and we have pigeons living upstairs in the roof. I guess one of them must have died and now these maggots came from the ceiling. The weird thing is, there was no smell. These maggots are huge, so I reckon they are at the final stage before going into a cocoon or whatever you call it.
I wanted to eat my yogurt before I realized that they kept falling from this one particular crack in the ceiling. So Syal and I discussed, very seriously, with frowns on our forehead on how to tackle this messiness.
So I suggested that we put our rubbish bin that is lined with a plastic bag, underneath that crack and then they would fell into the plastic bag and tadaaa! What a genius idea Azmira, way to go!
Except that they crawled out of the plastic bag. Syal said, 'Put minyak! Put minyak! So that it's too slippery they cant climb!", but then I was frantically spraying the bin with Ridsect and apparently, Ridsect has this oily substance so in the end they cannot climb out from the bin.
And then we sat there, watching maggots pouring down one by one and cheered every time a maggot fell into the bin, while eating yogurt.
*******
P/s: I started to think that this is a punishment for me because I made a promise with God that I would fast for a day if we got the house. It has been 4 months since we lived there and I havent fasted yet. So I think, it was a punishment from God for me, first was the Fungus Incident, and then now. Hmmmm.
So this is what happened.
I went out for a jog last evening (4km!) and then when I came back, I did some stretching while watching How I Met Your Mother. I sat on the carpet and later on Syal came back from jogging as well. We watched the series and then at around 7, we thought that we had enough and decided to get ready for dinner. Syal went into her room while I continued to daydream for a bit, when I saw this fat, 1.5cm long, dark-coloured maggot pathetically worming, I mean, crawling on the floor. I thought, where would this maggot came from? Because we dont really have food in our house except biscuits. All other food is stored in the fridge. And then I saw another one about 2 feet away from the first one. And another one about 3 feet away from the second one. I was horrified and screamed my heart out calling for Syal and showed her what I found.
I was hanging my towel on the kitchen chair the day before after I washed my hair and it fell down on the floor but I didnt notice it. So when I saw 3 effing maggots crawling on the floor, I quickly went and picked up the towel and then,
15 fat effing maggots dropped from the towel!!!!!!!!!!
I felt so yucky because I used the towel the day before. I started to feel that something is crawling on my head so I trashed my hair to all direction and trashed arms and legs everywhere and literally had a Chicken Noodle Soup dance (y'all dont know CNS dance? click here damit). Of course there were nothing on my head except paranoia.
We tried to find the source but we couldnt find it. So we sweeped those fat little b*st*rds into the rubbish bin and threw them out.
End of story.
Except that it's not.
So we went for dinner (supposedly but the satay place was closed last night so we were very frustrated and decided to vent the frustration in Giant, instead). So we went shopping for grocery and yogurts and fruits and all the yucky healthy stuff. When we came back, we saw another two maggots on the floor and we were like, OMG where did these effing maggots came from?
So Syal sweeped them away and out of sudden there were 5 more on the floor. So Syal sweeped them again, I was just standing there and then I heard 'Tick!' and saw a maggot magically appeared on the floor.
For goodness sake the maggots came from our ceiling! You see, our apartment unit is on the top floor and we have pigeons living upstairs in the roof. I guess one of them must have died and now these maggots came from the ceiling. The weird thing is, there was no smell. These maggots are huge, so I reckon they are at the final stage before going into a cocoon or whatever you call it.
I wanted to eat my yogurt before I realized that they kept falling from this one particular crack in the ceiling. So Syal and I discussed, very seriously, with frowns on our forehead on how to tackle this messiness.
So I suggested that we put our rubbish bin that is lined with a plastic bag, underneath that crack and then they would fell into the plastic bag and tadaaa! What a genius idea Azmira, way to go!
Except that they crawled out of the plastic bag. Syal said, 'Put minyak! Put minyak! So that it's too slippery they cant climb!", but then I was frantically spraying the bin with Ridsect and apparently, Ridsect has this oily substance so in the end they cannot climb out from the bin.
And then we sat there, watching maggots pouring down one by one and cheered every time a maggot fell into the bin, while eating yogurt.
*******
P/s: I started to think that this is a punishment for me because I made a promise with God that I would fast for a day if we got the house. It has been 4 months since we lived there and I havent fasted yet. So I think, it was a punishment from God for me, first was the Fungus Incident, and then now. Hmmmm.
Wednesday, February 15, 2012
Easter Egg (2)
I get extremely polite, quieter, more lag time in response in the morning,
after a nice, nice dose of flu medicine at night.
:D
after a nice, nice dose of flu medicine at night.
:D
Tuesday, February 14, 2012
Dear junior member of any institution:
Fellow juniors,
Just remember this:
It’s okay for other people to be offensive to you
It’s not okay for you to be offensive back to them
It’s not okay for you to neither show any kind of
dissatisfaction nor display any discomfort on your face
In return, you must thank them for their kindness and
generosity of their heart that you are still breathing
It’s okay for them to be disrespectful
(Even as a human being)
But you must be obliging and all smile all day long
It’s not okay for you to tell them that they are wrong,
It’s not okay to say anything at all, really
That in your tiny useless head that you might actually own a
little piece of knowledge,
But it’s okay to tell everyone how stupid you are to make
them feel so knowledgeable
Please, please, juniors please, you are a zero,
Nothing you do can ever make you a hero (like, please, what were you thinking?)
It’s okay for them to feel sorry for how little experience
you have (so you must shut up and be stupid and be ready to be accused of
everything at all time), and even if this is your third year working there and
have progressed tremendously, you are still an inexperienced little shit.
It’s not okay for you to suggest anything because those
brilliant ideas of yours do not show how much effort you have done in improving
yourself, but it’s because you stole the idea from them
If you have done anything worthy for the institution,
It is due to the liberty of their compassion
It is okay for them not to say thank you nor appreciate you
That your effort means nothing, but it was a mere
coincidence
That it’s okay for them to call your work rubbish and
disregard them without helping you to improve it
That you would be scrutinized from head to toe,
That your downfall shall be awaited
That all your glory shall go unsung
That whatever human frailties you possess
Get rid of them as you must be flawless, godlike even
Because should anything go wrong in their eyes,
Please remember that everything is your fault regardless.
Truly yours,
Fuck off.
N.B: Although it applies to most, this does not apply to any
senior members who have been genuinely helpful, supportive and kind.
Monday, February 6, 2012
Overheard
So at work I heard a conversation between two doctorates. Let's just call them Dr. A and Dr. B. Both of them own the latest smart phones in the market. Dr. A owns an iPhone. Dr. B owns a Nokia N9.
Dr. A: Dr. B, have you got Dr. L's phone number?
Dr. B: Yes, I have. So should I just text you the phone number?
Dr. A: I think you can mms me lah. You can just send me the number from your address book
Dr. B: Oh really ah? Have you switched on your mms?
Dr. A: I don't know how to switch on my mms lah. Which button should I use?
Dr. B: I'm not sure lah, I also don't know where to switch on my mms on my phone. Aiyoyo very difficult lah, I'll just come over to your cubicle lah.
Dr. A: Okay thanks.
Me in silence: hahahalolololroflmao
Dr. A: Dr. B, have you got Dr. L's phone number?
Dr. B: Yes, I have. So should I just text you the phone number?
Dr. A: I think you can mms me lah. You can just send me the number from your address book
Dr. B: Oh really ah? Have you switched on your mms?
Dr. A: I don't know how to switch on my mms lah. Which button should I use?
Dr. B: I'm not sure lah, I also don't know where to switch on my mms on my phone. Aiyoyo very difficult lah, I'll just come over to your cubicle lah.
Dr. A: Okay thanks.
Me in silence: hahahalolololroflmao
Friday, January 20, 2012
Takde lah.
Takdelah. Tak nak bising pon.
Bising-bising pon bukan boleh jadi apa.
Nak jadi baik bukan senang,
Nak jadi jahat pon bukan senang.
Let's just concentrate on good stuff ye?
Bising-bising pon bukan boleh jadi apa.
Nak jadi baik bukan senang,
Nak jadi jahat pon bukan senang.
Let's just concentrate on good stuff ye?
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