Tuulimuna

Sepatutnya Noa datang dalam dua minggu lagi. Sebab tak lama lagi kami nak jumpa doktor sama-sama tengok ultrasound.

Tapi tak sempat. Semalam dah takde. Dari clinic maternity sampai la ke hospital di city. 4 doctors stared at me down there. Not the best feeling nor the best experience. Cari² heartbeat tak jumpa. Bila jumpa sac nya, fetus nya tiada. 

Medical term for this miscarriage is tuulimuna/ blighted ovum. Terjadi sebab ovum tak disenyawakan dengan baik atau pecahan sel² tak terjadi dengan baik. 

Bukan sebab baby terjatuh dari sac, bukan sebab baby kena culik jin. Takde apa yang boleh dibuat. Sel tu tak terbentuk. Tu je. Doktor tak boleh buat apa, I can't do anything either. I was pregnant and having all the symptoms, but it was an empty one.

Benda² terawal yang orang tanya, "Mira ada salah makan ke?" "Mira ada angkat barang berat ke?" "Terhentak kot sampai baby jatuh" "Ada buat apa² ke sampai jadi macam ni?"

Let this be a pengalaman for us all if you don't know that already, I, don't want to hear all that now.

Be a good friend and family. Send me positive thoughts and love. I'm already dealing with physical pain even though not as bad as the mental pain. Send Noa some love too because he is also in pain.