Here's the story.

I received a call on January 14th from Bahagian Pengurusan Sekolah. The nice lady said something like this, but in BM:

Lady: Am I speaking to Noor Azmira Amran?
Me: Yes. May I know who's speaking?
L: I'm from Bahagian Pengurusan Sekolah Harian. I'm calling you to ask you to ignore the posting letter to Sabah.
M: Ah? I haven't received any letter yet? Negeri Sembilan is having a day off today due to Hari Keputeraan or something.
L: I see. So yeah, please wait for the letter from BPG instead of the letter from the Bahagian Sekolah. If you do not receive the letter by 25th, please give them a call.
M: WHY?
L: I do not know. Give BPG a call if you have any questions regarding to this.

I got on the phone with Salma, Alvin and Harold and we could suggest nothing other than speculations.

On 19th of February, I checked my name on the MOE's website, and it says this:
I was thinking, so the speculation about the BPG is 'serap'ing few of us to be put in IPG is true. Reaction: Happy, confused, angry, and mostly insecure.

On 21st, I got a message from Eva saying that we need to go to IPBA on 25th for a week orientation course.

On 24th night, I crashed at Cohort 4's place in IPBA. I met Salma, Sha, Syal and Amrien and we spent hours catching up :)

On 25th morning, we met the BPG officer who is in-charge for this programme. He said we were to have a 3-week course, and we were like, WHATTTT! and he said he didn't even know what to call us. Actually, none of the lecturers know what to call of us. A bunch of lecturers has to design a 3-weeks course in just 3 hours. Amazing lecturers! By the way, Madam Elizabeth was assigned as our course coordinator.
On the next day, we met the Director, Dr. Sofi and he said we can stay in MTCP hostel since we were all staying illegally at the IPBA hostel. They finally figured out what to call this programme, "Program Orientasi Pensyarah Muda". This very day they told us that this program orientasi has been cut to ONE week instead of THREE. The lecturers were a bit hm hm hm exasperated? after they have designed a 3-week course (in 3 hours) and now they have to scrape everything and re-design it?

Note: Remember how we spent years learning the pedagogy? Dr. Boon managed to introduce us to synergogy, andragogy and heutagogy in 2 hours. How's that for a brain-melting experience?

Indeed we have a lot to learn, and we have to learn super-fast that I got runny poo everytime I came back from class. (Song in mind: Supermassive Blackhole by Muse). or maybe because I munched a little bit too much?

And last Thursday, we've got our postings. I got ELTC, along with Lindsay, Syal and Own. We won't be given any rumah kuarters, so it's time to find a house nearby. Isk mahalnya!!!

So, there. It's time to talk about my feelings now.

• Insecure

I feel insecure because I heard some not-very-nice voices saying that "How the hell did she get selected?", "How come the BPG has this programme pensyarah muda?". We also get a "We don't want you, pensyarah mudas" from our very own lecturer (nama dirahsiakan).

• Scared

Just about how are we going to mingle with our former lecturers, except that now as a colleague? We are very much inexperienced in terms of teaching, and now us in ELTC is about to teach in-service teachers who has got numbers of year in school? Back in my student day in IPBA, I skipped class a lot and I preferred to be invisible most of the time. What if my reputation back then exceeds my reputation now? I am trying to be a better person, of course. I am just scared that people will judge me for the person I was, not I am now. Other than that, I'm quite scared, looking at how unorganized this whole thing is. No plan, no name for us, nothing, nothing, nothing.

• Grateful
  

Regardless of the tensions, I feel very grateful to be selected for this programme. Hey, don't ask me how they chose us, nobody knows we were selected on what criteria. Whatever it is, I take this opportunity as a challenge and as a great opportunity for a my personal and professional development.