Dying, having died, dead.

You know every time, every single time I was doing something, thinking, reading, watching, listening, eating, basically whatever I was doing at that time, there's always a time I found myself said "Ahhhh I'll keep that in mind and write it down on my blog" and here I am, finally on my blog and found myself stumbling on what to write.

On a darker note, I found myself thinking about death. I read it here about a man who was in a taxi accident with his friend in 1989. His friend's head was decapitated and for a brief moment, his friend was aware what was going on after his head has came off from his body. Read on his story:

"My friend's head came to rest face up, and (from my angle) upside-down. As I watched, his mouth opened and closed no less than two times. The facial expressions he displayed were first of shock or confusion, followed by terror or grief. I cannot exaggerate and say that he was looking all around, but he did display ocular movement in that his eyes moved from me, to his body, and back to me. He had direct eye contact with me when his eyes took on a hazy, absent expression … and he was dead."

Scary isn't it? And sad. I've seen dead people, and I've known people who passed away in front of me. How does it feel? How does it feel to be dying? Or having to know that you are dying? Or having died?

Coincidentally or not, I am rereading (Im broke and can't go out berjimba) a novel by Marian Keyes titled "Anybody Out There", which is about this Irish girl named Anna Walsh who works in NYC as a beauty PR. She met this guy, Aidan Maddox and they are so in love and they got married shortly after they announced 'exclusivity' (NYC-term for serious bf-gf relationship). Everything went well and they live happily ever after. Is that it? Of course not. What makes the novel so interesting is that it is not written in a linear timeline. Meaning, the first 150pages of the novel is about how Anna trying to contact Aidan but he doesn't seem to be bothered to reply any of her messages, emails and calls after he disappeared few weeks after they were married. Apparently, this is what had happened. Two nights after Valentine's day, they wanted to go out for a dinner although Anna wasn't keen because they just had romantic dinner for Valentine's couple nights before. They went by cab, as all other NYCers do. And BOOM! They got into an accident, and 20 minutes later, Aidan is dead. Shoot I cried so hard when I figured out that Aidan wasn't abandoning her, but he's actually dead! mumumuuumu tak bestnya. But it left me with some thoughts to be pondered, let me quote some:

• "People say it's the finality of death that they can't handle. But what was tearing me apart was that I didn't know where he had gone. He had to be somewhere."
• "Aidan was young and strong and handsome and it was all wrong. You'd never expected him to die"
• "And it's not about me, it's him I'm worried about. I'm so afraid he'll freak out when he discovers what's happened. He'll be so pissed-off and scared and I can't help him. Aidan's going to hate being dead. We aren't goint to die until we're eighty. And he worried about me, he wanted to take care of me, and if he can't he'll go mental. He was so strong and healthy, hardly ever sick, how's he going to handle having died?

I'm thinking of all the people around me that I love so much (although perhaps I'm not doing a good job of displaying my love to them) and I'll be so scared if I lose any of these people. What will I do if I lose them? Yet, do I treat them well? I don't want regrets yet sometimes I can't help myself to hurt those I love most. I guess all of you do, too? No? It's only me?

I've read somewhere, that if you die, at least 5 people will cry for you, maybe from someone you least expected. However a hateful person you think you are, trust me you are loved. Maybe in a way, you have inspired people too, without even knowing it.

Other than that, last few nights, I went to watch 2012, which is about people dying and the end of the day, although not really. Whatever. But my ever favourite movie issssssssssssss (drum rolls) The Corpse Bride (please do the church choir "waaaa" sound) directed by Tim Burton. I've watched this movie, literally, for hundreth of times. I still remember I watched it back-to-back 4 times in ONE night during one of me-ever-PMS night. It's a story about this young, handsome man named Victor from a neaveau rich family. You know during Elizabethan era where neaveau rich, as its name, is the people who are not from a royal or respectful family line, but are newly rich merchants. Victor is arranged to marry a girl, Victoria, who is from a royal bloodline but run an empty-house (poor) so that they can climb the society ladder while improving Victoria's family's wealth. However, Victor messed up so bad at wedding rehearsal that he ran away into the wood nearby and tried to practice again, pretending that tree sticks (that oddly looks like skeletal fingers) are his fiancee's fingers and put the ring on the finger. And taadahhh the tree stick is actually a corpse bride! She was killed by her fraud-fiance in an attempt to runaway with her dowree, and so she cursed that she will always be a hantu unless someone ask her hand in marriage again. And there she emerges again, after Victor accidentally said 'a perfect vow' to her. And the story is about how Emily, the corpse bride, is happy to be married to Victor. And Victor to be so sad to be living in the underworld. And Victoria is sad to be married to Lord Barkis (the fraud man). Basically the theme of the story is about how it is when everything is not 'according to plan'. It was the bestest movie I have ever watched, hmm..not really but I love it most.

Things to ponder, quoted from the movie:

• "Tell me my dear, can a heart still break once it's stopped beating?" Lord Barkis to Emily the Corpse Bride.
• "If only he could see how special you can be; if he only knew the you that we know." Maggot and BlackWidow to Emily, when she is sad because she knows Victor doesn't love her.
• "If I touch a burning candle, I can feel no pain. If you cut me with a knife, it's still the same. And I know her (Victoria) heart is beating, and I know that I am dead; yet the pain here that I feel, try and tell me it's not real, and it seems that I still have a tear to shed." Emily to Maggot and BlackWidow, sad because she's dead but she still has feelings.
  
• "The sole redeeming feature from that little creature is that she's alive. Overrated! Overblown! Everybody knows that's just a temporary state, which is cured very quickly when we meet our fate." This funny remarks is by BlackWidow.

Such a grim topic for a lovely Sunday afternoon.

Other links for death-y topics. I am in no way related to these links, read with discretion and your judgments are yours.
Life after death info
Imam Malik's dream about death
Nihilism: A philosophical view of death
Dr. Gary Schwartz: Afterlife Experiments

P/S: Speaking of at least 5 people that will cry for you when you died, I am wearing a t-shirt from a friend saying : "Someone who loves me very much went to Phuket and got me this t-shirt". Nice.